Disclaimer: I ain't a pussy!!
I was watching this documentary on Nat Geo Wild and basically these bloody agents were busy trying to catch a Black Mamba!! 1st of all, lemme just clarify that i'm da realest. I'm not afraid of watching snakes on t.v. but this was possibly the scariest thing I have EVER watched!!
The thing is, before watching this, I was saved by my ignorance. For instance, I didn't know that Black Mambas were such ninjas of snakes, let alone could climb trees n shit!! To me, only Green Mambas could be found on trees and I thought Black Mambas were limited to their speed on the ground. Turns out I still had a lot to discover.. *starts shivering*
The problem with bloody agents is they tell you that snakes are more afraid of you than you are of them!! That is theee biggest load of horse shit i've ever heard. Put it this way, if you had to put a Black Mamba and a bloody agent in one room; tell them both "it's survival of the fittest" and only one person can leave the room alive; winner takes abundance of booty home; Who do you think is going to win this match?? I can guarantee yo punk ass will get destroyed "perfect/flawless"!! Nigga, a black mamba has venom that can take 10 of you mofo's. So what is your fatality nyikka?! Probably to sing wooden mics.
Fam, watching that documentary made me realize that Black Mambas are theee most hazardous things on earth, and to make things worse, this village i'm staying in is part of their habitat!! Fml. The biggest problem with snakes is that they are forever hiding!! So for instance, if the maid happens to leave the door open during the day (like they always do), it's an invitation for this motherfucker to be like "oh yeah, I heard this is where MostaPi resides and I luvs to fuxx me with a real nigga!! Sssssss". Next thing, it's late for a real nigga. These sneaky bastards will slither their way into a hiding place where you would be completely oblivious to even comprehend that there could be a ninja in that motherfucker just waiting to strike!! All you gonna see is it's black mouth looking disrespectful. There are zero connotations associated with the words "Black Mouth" that are dignified. Just to show you how evil these things are, is it necessary for it for it's mouth to be bolack?? Can't it at least be white like Bieber so it can be less scary!!
I hate how bloody agents always deem it necessary to release these snakes back into 'the wild' where they know damn well these ninjas are going to clash with chimpanzee's in the village!! These snakes are notorious for killing humans so it just goes to show how bloody agents have zero chill. When I was watching the documentary, this black mamba was hiding in a school toilet, in the village!! Ma nigga, just to show you how these things are such ninjas, this snake was hiding in the septic tank. I shit you not!! In fact, there was another documentary I watched where this snake was hiding underneath the actual toilet seat. Shit!! Imagine now, you walk in the toilet alone to take a pinjah or a poo and next thing you encounter this black mouthed summa ma biatch.
I didn't have a phobia for snakes on t.v. before, but now that i'm staying in this village it's so late for me #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage
Thursday, 11 December 2014
Tuesday, 14 October 2014
Disposable Niggas
You can never truly figure out women but this is my wounded analysis of what I think:
When you walk in a room where you're meeting women for the 1st time, you will fall under 1 of 3 categories as far as impressions go: either you will be 'That Guy' (this is the dude who women aren't really into but are curious of), or you will be frienzoned straight away (no one wants to fall into this forsaken trap) or most favorably you'll be considered the honorary 'Bae' (this that nigga who can fuck up as many times as he wants but it don't matter coz he has immunity).
Now, don't get it twisted, i'm just a wounded boy from the village so I very seldom find myself playing the role of bae namsayin!! I am more of a 'That Guy' type of nigga *Rick Ross Huh*. I try my utmost to avoid being friendzoned by being forward but even that ain't definitive!! This is how I perceive it: women have always been telling me how they can tell whether or not they like a guy just from the moment they see him for the 1st time!! So my male-logical-self has always been like "TF BS is that"?? Some females would even go as far as saying that she knew the nigga was "bae" from the moment she saw the nigga's shoes he was wearing!! Real Talk fam, these bitches is cray.
I've always said that girls are much bigger perverts (translation: thirst) than guys, it's just that guys make it way more obvious!! When a hot chick with a phat ass walks into the room, you'd swear there was a sudden heat wave that leaves all of them niggas in there seem parched. Like these niggas aren't too sure whether they're seeing actual booty or a mirage!! However, with bitches though, them bitches will hide their reactions (or at least try) like a nigga who needs to take a shit but is too embarrassed because he is surrounded by tasties. So, what girls will do (eventually) is position themselves close enough to that nigga who will inadvertently tap - all a nigga saw was ass arriving on a silver platter so he followed his instincts and by that I mean balls. You may need to be cautious though because chances are you'll get those cray bitches like that girl who decided to crash in bae's bed (without him knowing) while he was out clubbing!! These fiends are ungovernable.
So, this is basically how I gathered that most girls are just stupid so I shouldn't take rejection too personally!! I mean, you get theee most 'unmatched' couples on earth (on some beauty & the beast tip) and you realize it doesn't all come down to that niggas donkey kong. There are actual qualities and attributes that these females find in these chimpazee's!! Here I was thinking women are shallow but it turns out they're actually quite deep.
The saddest part to this whole ordeal is with these niggas who force issues and end up playing "rebound boo's"!! When a girl is clearly still obsessed with someone else but yo punkass decides to come in and absorb her thirst instead of quenching it. I mean, these guys ignore all the signs and use money (or whatever form of persistence) to win bitches who were NOT initially into them. What are the signs you may ask?? Well, 1st of all if you're always the one texting and all she does is reply, I got news for you bro!! Yo ass is disposable. That bish wanted a Bentley but settled for a Chrysler 300 but that's none of my business!!
These other girls were telling me the other day that they try to abuse niggas whom they don't really like financially (which makes sense) but it don't really matter how much is spent on them with the bae's!! Now, my 1st response to that was "bitch, why you lying?? Ya'll are always trying to get splurged on!! It don't matter to you whether it's by Bae, BEE or Boo, ya'll just consume". But nah, these bitches were adamant that isn't the case!! So i'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Once they take the wifey role they'll actually become reasonable!!
So this now brings us to who you should actually settle with!! I've got hectic trust issues so please mind me and my 2c. For me, it has always been about test driving the booty and then only after you decide whether to capture it or not!! Like, you may just be fooling around with your "main squeeze" and then suddenly (((BOOM))) it hits you. Like "you know what, this is actually not a bad hoe!! She cooks, she gives me sleeps and she devoted etc."!! I don't know, whatever floats your boat.
Careful though because your grievances won't stop there, you still have her ex bae's to worry about!! Those niggas should remain a threat till the death of you. Them niggas can Waltz back into that booty like they're doing the cha-cha 4real!! The problem with women is, once she sets her eyes on booty, she throws in her heart, mind and soul 4real. Even before the booty has been approved (as in consented). It is now your obligation to claim whatever is left and make sure that them niggas don't return to bargain with whatever you think you may or may not have!!
There is zero absolute way of capturing booty but PLEASE, at least avoid being a "rebound boo". That's my 2cents and i'm sticking to it #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage
When you walk in a room where you're meeting women for the 1st time, you will fall under 1 of 3 categories as far as impressions go: either you will be 'That Guy' (this is the dude who women aren't really into but are curious of), or you will be frienzoned straight away (no one wants to fall into this forsaken trap) or most favorably you'll be considered the honorary 'Bae' (this that nigga who can fuck up as many times as he wants but it don't matter coz he has immunity).
Now, don't get it twisted, i'm just a wounded boy from the village so I very seldom find myself playing the role of bae namsayin!! I am more of a 'That Guy' type of nigga *Rick Ross Huh*. I try my utmost to avoid being friendzoned by being forward but even that ain't definitive!! This is how I perceive it: women have always been telling me how they can tell whether or not they like a guy just from the moment they see him for the 1st time!! So my male-logical-self has always been like "TF BS is that"?? Some females would even go as far as saying that she knew the nigga was "bae" from the moment she saw the nigga's shoes he was wearing!! Real Talk fam, these bitches is cray.
I've always said that girls are much bigger perverts (translation: thirst) than guys, it's just that guys make it way more obvious!! When a hot chick with a phat ass walks into the room, you'd swear there was a sudden heat wave that leaves all of them niggas in there seem parched. Like these niggas aren't too sure whether they're seeing actual booty or a mirage!! However, with bitches though, them bitches will hide their reactions (or at least try) like a nigga who needs to take a shit but is too embarrassed because he is surrounded by tasties. So, what girls will do (eventually) is position themselves close enough to that nigga who will inadvertently tap - all a nigga saw was ass arriving on a silver platter so he followed his instincts and by that I mean balls. You may need to be cautious though because chances are you'll get those cray bitches like that girl who decided to crash in bae's bed (without him knowing) while he was out clubbing!! These fiends are ungovernable.
So, this is basically how I gathered that most girls are just stupid so I shouldn't take rejection too personally!! I mean, you get theee most 'unmatched' couples on earth (on some beauty & the beast tip) and you realize it doesn't all come down to that niggas donkey kong. There are actual qualities and attributes that these females find in these chimpazee's!! Here I was thinking women are shallow but it turns out they're actually quite deep.
The saddest part to this whole ordeal is with these niggas who force issues and end up playing "rebound boo's"!! When a girl is clearly still obsessed with someone else but yo punkass decides to come in and absorb her thirst instead of quenching it. I mean, these guys ignore all the signs and use money (or whatever form of persistence) to win bitches who were NOT initially into them. What are the signs you may ask?? Well, 1st of all if you're always the one texting and all she does is reply, I got news for you bro!! Yo ass is disposable. That bish wanted a Bentley but settled for a Chrysler 300 but that's none of my business!!
These other girls were telling me the other day that they try to abuse niggas whom they don't really like financially (which makes sense) but it don't really matter how much is spent on them with the bae's!! Now, my 1st response to that was "bitch, why you lying?? Ya'll are always trying to get splurged on!! It don't matter to you whether it's by Bae, BEE or Boo, ya'll just consume". But nah, these bitches were adamant that isn't the case!! So i'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Once they take the wifey role they'll actually become reasonable!!
So this now brings us to who you should actually settle with!! I've got hectic trust issues so please mind me and my 2c. For me, it has always been about test driving the booty and then only after you decide whether to capture it or not!! Like, you may just be fooling around with your "main squeeze" and then suddenly (((BOOM))) it hits you. Like "you know what, this is actually not a bad hoe!! She cooks, she gives me sleeps and she devoted etc."!! I don't know, whatever floats your boat.
Careful though because your grievances won't stop there, you still have her ex bae's to worry about!! Those niggas should remain a threat till the death of you. Them niggas can Waltz back into that booty like they're doing the cha-cha 4real!! The problem with women is, once she sets her eyes on booty, she throws in her heart, mind and soul 4real. Even before the booty has been approved (as in consented). It is now your obligation to claim whatever is left and make sure that them niggas don't return to bargain with whatever you think you may or may not have!!
There is zero absolute way of capturing booty but PLEASE, at least avoid being a "rebound boo". That's my 2cents and i'm sticking to it #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage
Wednesday, 8 October 2014
Silly Bish
Hahaha, why can't girls just be honest!!
There's this tasty i'm always hollering at when I go to the gym because she works at that mall. Now, this girl is the definition of a yum yum!! Her lips are Meagan Goode, her body is something like "yea neh" and she's yellow like a castard. Basically, this girl is a distinction on a scale of 1-10 (8-10)!!
Anyway, so this girl is always telling me how crazy I am on whatsapp which has me believe she wants to play with my balls. Also, every time I bump into this chick (there at the mall) I'm always coming from gym with sweaty balls. I was always reluctant to give her a hugs but she would always be insisting like fat bitches do (fat bitches love hugs like they have flavour in them, but that's none of my business). So now, every time I bump into her I go iiiiinnnn on them hugs like an African man greeting an Alaskan (I even treat myself to a handful of buttock)!! Mind you, it's still a taboo around these here streets for a young woman to be seen holding hands with bae, let alone him grabbing that yum yum's bum bums.
So on Monday I bumped into this chick on my way to the supermarket as per usual. I did the usual bear-hug-and-bum-squeeze-greeting and requested she escorts me inside to purchase my Mageu!! But now bish came with excuses that she's in a hurry and she needs to be somewhere so i'm like cool, whaRever bish.
It probably took me 2mins from when I separated with her and next thing I see her again outside, walking towards me with another chimpanzee!! My initial response was "how do you mean". To make matters worse, this chimpanzee was another version of me (tall, dark and skinny) but of course he had a zero missing tooth. Fuck, at least if the nigga was light-skin I would be less phased coz he would've Draked her towards me!! But now, this dark-skin makoya seemed to be focused so I needed to be worried. I felt like approaching him on some "ey guy, wonchu let a nigga see how that piece of meat rides" and he can pass that dish because us dark-skin niggas are civilized like that (unlike Chris Brown and Drake).
Anyway, so as they approach nearer I avoid eye-contact and sip through my Mageu like it's none of my business when this bish decides to slap my skinny ass as she walks past!! Bruh, this chekita had zero chill. I don't think that nigga was aware of what his bitch had just done!! Nigga, she pulled a quick one like a ninja whilst that dude was busy walking with her like he was Denzel. Poor dude was fast asleep!!
The thing about this girl is I don't understand why she can't just come clean and inform me about her nigga(s)!! I feel like I have a right to know since she's always allowing me to marinate her on whatsapp. She owes me that much since she's always leading me on!! I am yet to take this girl out because she's always 'busy' but if she carries on like this i'll have to abort the mission and move onto the next one #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage
There's this tasty i'm always hollering at when I go to the gym because she works at that mall. Now, this girl is the definition of a yum yum!! Her lips are Meagan Goode, her body is something like "yea neh" and she's yellow like a castard. Basically, this girl is a distinction on a scale of 1-10 (8-10)!!
Anyway, so this girl is always telling me how crazy I am on whatsapp which has me believe she wants to play with my balls. Also, every time I bump into this chick (there at the mall) I'm always coming from gym with sweaty balls. I was always reluctant to give her a hugs but she would always be insisting like fat bitches do (fat bitches love hugs like they have flavour in them, but that's none of my business). So now, every time I bump into her I go iiiiinnnn on them hugs like an African man greeting an Alaskan (I even treat myself to a handful of buttock)!! Mind you, it's still a taboo around these here streets for a young woman to be seen holding hands with bae, let alone him grabbing that yum yum's bum bums.
So on Monday I bumped into this chick on my way to the supermarket as per usual. I did the usual bear-hug-and-bum-squeeze-greeting and requested she escorts me inside to purchase my Mageu!! But now bish came with excuses that she's in a hurry and she needs to be somewhere so i'm like cool, whaRever bish.
It probably took me 2mins from when I separated with her and next thing I see her again outside, walking towards me with another chimpanzee!! My initial response was "how do you mean". To make matters worse, this chimpanzee was another version of me (tall, dark and skinny) but of course he had a zero missing tooth. Fuck, at least if the nigga was light-skin I would be less phased coz he would've Draked her towards me!! But now, this dark-skin makoya seemed to be focused so I needed to be worried. I felt like approaching him on some "ey guy, wonchu let a nigga see how that piece of meat rides" and he can pass that dish because us dark-skin niggas are civilized like that (unlike Chris Brown and Drake).
Anyway, so as they approach nearer I avoid eye-contact and sip through my Mageu like it's none of my business when this bish decides to slap my skinny ass as she walks past!! Bruh, this chekita had zero chill. I don't think that nigga was aware of what his bitch had just done!! Nigga, she pulled a quick one like a ninja whilst that dude was busy walking with her like he was Denzel. Poor dude was fast asleep!!
The thing about this girl is I don't understand why she can't just come clean and inform me about her nigga(s)!! I feel like I have a right to know since she's always allowing me to marinate her on whatsapp. She owes me that much since she's always leading me on!! I am yet to take this girl out because she's always 'busy' but if she carries on like this i'll have to abort the mission and move onto the next one #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage
Wednesday, 20 August 2014
Mmm, she WANTS
Can't afford to let the booty get away:
I have this tradition of walking to pick n' pay to buy Mageu at the shopping complex where I attend gym, right after my sessions.
So today as i'm walking passed Ocean Busket when I see this fine yum yum sitting there chillin all by her ace. This one was looking tasty like a sample. Now, usually I go by the 10sec rule and just go there straight to holler!!
On the way to Pick n' Pay i'm thinking "no man, maybe I should just go for this booty coz if she's still sitting there on her ace when I return, i'm going iiinnn like a Jehova's Witness!!". Plus now i'm even thinking I should just repeat what I was initially going to ask her!!
Here's the problem with exceeding the 10sec rule: you basically begin to doubt yourself!! I'm busy reciting (in my head) what i'm going to say to shorty and the more I do that the more stupid it sounds. As a result i'm starting to doubt myself like "nigga, you's is whack!!".
So anyway, there I was approaching shorty, sipping my banana flavoured Mageu and bumping music off my earphones. Then i'm on some *wait for it.. This the shit I had planned on saying all along* "hey, is your significant other joining you anytime soon?!" so bish is like "lol, nah" (now that the nerves have gone with Boko Haram so niggah i'm going iiinnn).
Fam, this shorty was practically laughing at everything I was saying from there on!! I hit her with the "i'm not from around here" and I could tell her pussy juices started leaking like a pipe burst. Then I knew she WANTS!!
I could tell she's also thinking I must be a very delicious specimen and she's looking forward to playing with my balls. She gave me her number so now all I need to do is whatsapp her so that I can give her my babies #ForTheBabies #ShortyNiceLikeAmaSpice #3rdWorldProblems #TryntaGetItYaBish #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage
I have this tradition of walking to pick n' pay to buy Mageu at the shopping complex where I attend gym, right after my sessions.
So today as i'm walking passed Ocean Busket when I see this fine yum yum sitting there chillin all by her ace. This one was looking tasty like a sample. Now, usually I go by the 10sec rule and just go there straight to holler!!
On the way to Pick n' Pay i'm thinking "no man, maybe I should just go for this booty coz if she's still sitting there on her ace when I return, i'm going iiinnn like a Jehova's Witness!!". Plus now i'm even thinking I should just repeat what I was initially going to ask her!!
Here's the problem with exceeding the 10sec rule: you basically begin to doubt yourself!! I'm busy reciting (in my head) what i'm going to say to shorty and the more I do that the more stupid it sounds. As a result i'm starting to doubt myself like "nigga, you's is whack!!".
So anyway, there I was approaching shorty, sipping my banana flavoured Mageu and bumping music off my earphones. Then i'm on some *wait for it.. This the shit I had planned on saying all along* "hey, is your significant other joining you anytime soon?!" so bish is like "lol, nah" (now that the nerves have gone with Boko Haram so niggah i'm going iiinnn).
Fam, this shorty was practically laughing at everything I was saying from there on!! I hit her with the "i'm not from around here" and I could tell her pussy juices started leaking like a pipe burst. Then I knew she WANTS!!
I could tell she's also thinking I must be a very delicious specimen and she's looking forward to playing with my balls. She gave me her number so now all I need to do is whatsapp her so that I can give her my babies #ForTheBabies #ShortyNiceLikeAmaSpice #3rdWorldProblems #TryntaGetItYaBish #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage
Friday, 8 August 2014
Open Letter To The Bitches
So it's Women's Day today:
1st and foremost, fuck you for giving us blue balls you selfish, inconsiderate, counterfeit heaux!! You can't lead someone on only to change your mind last minute. The minute you take your clothes off means you are liable for breaching our contract. Moist balls after convincing you to take your clothes off SHALL be absolute!!
You need to lose the weave coz ain't nobody got time for that. Not only do men HATE (or more accurately abhor) weaves, you expect us to pay for that shit!! I'm already paying way too much for that loose pussy of yours, now I have to pay extra for your superficial bullshit as well?! This some other hustle. I'd much rather pay tax for eTolls and Nkandla!!
So let me get this straight, if I approach you by exposing how much you mean to me and how much I care for you, your immediate response is to friendzone me?! That is your way of showing appreciation?? Bitch, you better throw the pussy at me one time.
Where are your ethics?? You can't leave looking all good n shit - going out to the clubs on your periods, only to have guys splurging on you and taking you home. Next thing a nigga thinking he bout to get ass only to find you be trippin'!! Smdh. You should've recused yourself from the moment a nigga started offering drinks. Why did you declare yourself fit?? Then you must finish the game
We appreciate all the considerate, caring and honest women out there!! We love you and wish you a happy Women's Day #ForTheBabies #BootyIsMoreImportantThanFoodAndWater #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage
1st and foremost, fuck you for giving us blue balls you selfish, inconsiderate, counterfeit heaux!! You can't lead someone on only to change your mind last minute. The minute you take your clothes off means you are liable for breaching our contract. Moist balls after convincing you to take your clothes off SHALL be absolute!!
You need to lose the weave coz ain't nobody got time for that. Not only do men HATE (or more accurately abhor) weaves, you expect us to pay for that shit!! I'm already paying way too much for that loose pussy of yours, now I have to pay extra for your superficial bullshit as well?! This some other hustle. I'd much rather pay tax for eTolls and Nkandla!!
So let me get this straight, if I approach you by exposing how much you mean to me and how much I care for you, your immediate response is to friendzone me?! That is your way of showing appreciation?? Bitch, you better throw the pussy at me one time.
Where are your ethics?? You can't leave looking all good n shit - going out to the clubs on your periods, only to have guys splurging on you and taking you home. Next thing a nigga thinking he bout to get ass only to find you be trippin'!! Smdh. You should've recused yourself from the moment a nigga started offering drinks. Why did you declare yourself fit?? Then you must finish the game
We appreciate all the considerate, caring and honest women out there!! We love you and wish you a happy Women's Day #ForTheBabies #BootyIsMoreImportantThanFoodAndWater #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage
Wednesday, 30 July 2014
Moving Mountains In The Village
Short left, to Cum right:
So I met some yum-yum at the club on a friday. She was feeling my vibe but then her friends decided to kill our vibe by summoning her to a jam elsewhere. Basically bitch had to leave so we exchanged numbers and the booty transcended from wounded MostaPi into the distance!!
I kept in touch with shorty the next day, until on monday when she tells me she's home alone - this was at around lunch time!! I won't lie, I got excited (I may have even shot a drip of jizz in my pants) because I had dry balls the whole weekend. The way I could sense she's willing to give me ass got me even tweeting and shit, oblivious to fact that I might actually be jinxing it. Anyway, so I quickly arranged transport to get dropped off at this shorty crib asap coz she told me she'll be home alone until 5pm!!
So I get dropped where shorty directed me to and told my ride to dip when I saw her coming (bitch arrived wearing night slippers)!! After we meet she tells me her daddy just rocked up at home unexpected so nigga took the rest of the day off from work (there and then I could sense my dick murmuring to my balls "this nigga is such a cost!!").
So now, i'm horny as fuck and I need to make a plan in a place where i'm just a tourist!! 1st thought that came into mind was to hit the bushes. Then I was thinking of classrooms we can find etc. If I had a car it would've been so much easier coz you just find a quiet spot somewhere and hit it on the passenger seat #ItMustBeNice
Eventually I come up with an idea to hop on a minibus taxi with her to find a guest house (it was only a 5min drive)!! So we get off by this shopping complex and I notice there's a Travel Agency. I walk in there with this bish and I find 3 very tasty-looking women working there (lawd why)!! Now i'm thinking "maybe I should just forget everything and just organize an orgy up in this bitch. Once..".
I could sense these women judging me on some "young guy, not from here, walking in with a bitch wearing slippers.. looking for a place to fuck". So me I just go ahead and ignore their judgement by asking them to find me the cheapest guest house in the area for the day (I was planning to negotiate once I reached the place). The bish then calls 3 places that include bed & breakfast and all this nonsense I don't need!! And the cheapest out of all of them was R550, to R650 and then R700. Lucky for us, the cheapest one's were very close from where we were - only 2 streets down!!
So we get to the B&B and I find yet another yum-yum at the reception!! I ask her if we can check out the rooms so she sends someone to assist us. At this point i'm trying to decide who it is I should negotiate with!! Do I bribe the lady showing us the rooms or the tasty receptionist?? As we're walking to the rooms, I tell them to carry on without coz I need to quickly run back to reception (I needed to negotiate one on one). So I straight up and ask her if it's possible if we can use a room, we're not staying the night and i'm willing to pay half price!! Bitch starts explaining how the minute the rooms are used they have to charge the standard amount and i'm thinking "bitch, it's monday and this place isn't even busy"!! Anyways, I realize it's late for bribing this chick so I give up, run back to the chick i'm with and I abort mission.
The next option I had was to call some nigga I know who stays relatively far from where we were, but technically he stays alone in a 2 bedroom flat (plus he was busy at work anyway). So the plan was to go to this niggas work, get him give me the keys and take this bitch to his place to fuck!! I call the nigga and he tells there is someone at his place. You won't guess who this someone is - a fucking nanny!! This guy happens to have a kid and him and his baby mama we NOT getting along so he decided to fuck their nanny. Mind you, the baby mama didn't stay with this dude permanently anyway!! So in my mind, technically it wasn't really an affair because him and the baby mama weren't officially going out but they were fucking from time to time. The main issue here is that this young nanny (young nannies are always a problem - trust) has now fallen pregnant as well and she got kicked away from her homestead and now she's crashing at this guys place!! It's already fucked up for her because the baby mama is going to be like "WTF" when she finds out.
It is at this point when I realize i'm actually a quite a DICK!! I was basically like "dude, she's a fucking nanny!! Send her somewhere to get fresh air or some shit if you mind us rocking up there with her present".
Anyway, by this time dude was already getting ready to leave from work so he took the bish somewhere to let me use is place!! I gave that nigga guap but I still feel like I owe him big time. I wouldn't make this a habit but I was super desperate at the time #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #3rdWorldProblems #AlutaContinua
So I met some yum-yum at the club on a friday. She was feeling my vibe but then her friends decided to kill our vibe by summoning her to a jam elsewhere. Basically bitch had to leave so we exchanged numbers and the booty transcended from wounded MostaPi into the distance!!
I kept in touch with shorty the next day, until on monday when she tells me she's home alone - this was at around lunch time!! I won't lie, I got excited (I may have even shot a drip of jizz in my pants) because I had dry balls the whole weekend. The way I could sense she's willing to give me ass got me even tweeting and shit, oblivious to fact that I might actually be jinxing it. Anyway, so I quickly arranged transport to get dropped off at this shorty crib asap coz she told me she'll be home alone until 5pm!!
So I get dropped where shorty directed me to and told my ride to dip when I saw her coming (bitch arrived wearing night slippers)!! After we meet she tells me her daddy just rocked up at home unexpected so nigga took the rest of the day off from work (there and then I could sense my dick murmuring to my balls "this nigga is such a cost!!").
So now, i'm horny as fuck and I need to make a plan in a place where i'm just a tourist!! 1st thought that came into mind was to hit the bushes. Then I was thinking of classrooms we can find etc. If I had a car it would've been so much easier coz you just find a quiet spot somewhere and hit it on the passenger seat #ItMustBeNice
Eventually I come up with an idea to hop on a minibus taxi with her to find a guest house (it was only a 5min drive)!! So we get off by this shopping complex and I notice there's a Travel Agency. I walk in there with this bish and I find 3 very tasty-looking women working there (lawd why)!! Now i'm thinking "maybe I should just forget everything and just organize an orgy up in this bitch. Once..".
I could sense these women judging me on some "young guy, not from here, walking in with a bitch wearing slippers.. looking for a place to fuck". So me I just go ahead and ignore their judgement by asking them to find me the cheapest guest house in the area for the day (I was planning to negotiate once I reached the place). The bish then calls 3 places that include bed & breakfast and all this nonsense I don't need!! And the cheapest out of all of them was R550, to R650 and then R700. Lucky for us, the cheapest one's were very close from where we were - only 2 streets down!!
So we get to the B&B and I find yet another yum-yum at the reception!! I ask her if we can check out the rooms so she sends someone to assist us. At this point i'm trying to decide who it is I should negotiate with!! Do I bribe the lady showing us the rooms or the tasty receptionist?? As we're walking to the rooms, I tell them to carry on without coz I need to quickly run back to reception (I needed to negotiate one on one). So I straight up and ask her if it's possible if we can use a room, we're not staying the night and i'm willing to pay half price!! Bitch starts explaining how the minute the rooms are used they have to charge the standard amount and i'm thinking "bitch, it's monday and this place isn't even busy"!! Anyways, I realize it's late for bribing this chick so I give up, run back to the chick i'm with and I abort mission.
The next option I had was to call some nigga I know who stays relatively far from where we were, but technically he stays alone in a 2 bedroom flat (plus he was busy at work anyway). So the plan was to go to this niggas work, get him give me the keys and take this bitch to his place to fuck!! I call the nigga and he tells there is someone at his place. You won't guess who this someone is - a fucking nanny!! This guy happens to have a kid and him and his baby mama we NOT getting along so he decided to fuck their nanny. Mind you, the baby mama didn't stay with this dude permanently anyway!! So in my mind, technically it wasn't really an affair because him and the baby mama weren't officially going out but they were fucking from time to time. The main issue here is that this young nanny (young nannies are always a problem - trust) has now fallen pregnant as well and she got kicked away from her homestead and now she's crashing at this guys place!! It's already fucked up for her because the baby mama is going to be like "WTF" when she finds out.
It is at this point when I realize i'm actually a quite a DICK!! I was basically like "dude, she's a fucking nanny!! Send her somewhere to get fresh air or some shit if you mind us rocking up there with her present".
Anyway, by this time dude was already getting ready to leave from work so he took the bish somewhere to let me use is place!! I gave that nigga guap but I still feel like I owe him big time. I wouldn't make this a habit but I was super desperate at the time #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #3rdWorldProblems #AlutaContinua
Sunday, 8 June 2014
The Race Amongst Race
#CanadianGP that race yesterday was a metaphor for what it's like being a bolack!! Niggas work twice as hard, they dominate pace, it looks like they're thriving and then all of a sudden (((BOOM))) dreams are shattered. It's back to sitting at the back of the bus where we belong!! Or like fate would have it, your journey is disrupted by an unforseen puncture to prevent you from being GREAT.
But that's one of that sad things about being a bolack though!! You get so excited being aggressive that at some point you forget that you're just a chimpanzee. I mean, I think Kanye put it best when he was like, "even if you in a Benz, you still a nigga in a coupe"!! I think he was actually prophesying about Lewis Hamilton when he dropped that line. Even your own people (bolacks) will be quick to remind you that you just a nigga!! So fall back.
This competition between Nico Rosberg and Lewis Hamilton is really frustrating!! On one hand, you have a privileged kid who grew up in Monaco coz his dad was a Formula One driver so he grew up with a massive advantage. And on the other hand you have a bolack kid whose dad hustled tremendously, making huge sacrifices just for his son to have a chance at being GREAT.
So at the age of ten, when Lewis Hamilton won his award at the British Championships, he managed to approach McLaren team principle Ron Dennis to ask for his autograph. The lil nigga went up to Ron like, "yo dawg, you recognize the kid *holding his award*. Holla at me paps!! I gots skillz". The rest is history..
Lewis Hamilton and his dad hustled they're way into Formula One like it was nobody's business!! Those niggas went onto win the Drivers Championship in '08 even. And Lewis was the youngest person ever to win it at the time *somebody organize Alaskans for that parade*!!
Hard work pays off but most times it's not enough to change reality!! At some point you need to just accept that some things are just beyond you and luck won't be on your side. Everybody knows that Lewis Hamilton is a quicker/better driver then his teammate Nico Rosburg!! But unfortunately just like life, there are way too many things beyond his control that will determine a person's fate. Bolacks simply need to be less aggressive once they've become a threat in order to continue thriving/driving #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #FormulaOne #Race
But that's one of that sad things about being a bolack though!! You get so excited being aggressive that at some point you forget that you're just a chimpanzee. I mean, I think Kanye put it best when he was like, "even if you in a Benz, you still a nigga in a coupe"!! I think he was actually prophesying about Lewis Hamilton when he dropped that line. Even your own people (bolacks) will be quick to remind you that you just a nigga!! So fall back.
This competition between Nico Rosberg and Lewis Hamilton is really frustrating!! On one hand, you have a privileged kid who grew up in Monaco coz his dad was a Formula One driver so he grew up with a massive advantage. And on the other hand you have a bolack kid whose dad hustled tremendously, making huge sacrifices just for his son to have a chance at being GREAT.
So at the age of ten, when Lewis Hamilton won his award at the British Championships, he managed to approach McLaren team principle Ron Dennis to ask for his autograph. The lil nigga went up to Ron like, "yo dawg, you recognize the kid *holding his award*. Holla at me paps!! I gots skillz". The rest is history..
Lewis Hamilton and his dad hustled they're way into Formula One like it was nobody's business!! Those niggas went onto win the Drivers Championship in '08 even. And Lewis was the youngest person ever to win it at the time *somebody organize Alaskans for that parade*!!
Hard work pays off but most times it's not enough to change reality!! At some point you need to just accept that some things are just beyond you and luck won't be on your side. Everybody knows that Lewis Hamilton is a quicker/better driver then his teammate Nico Rosburg!! But unfortunately just like life, there are way too many things beyond his control that will determine a person's fate. Bolacks simply need to be less aggressive once they've become a threat in order to continue thriving/driving #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #FormulaOne #Race
Sunday, 25 May 2014
It's Just Titties
We live in a world that needs to liberate them titties #AlutaContinua
Lmfao, i'll never forget the night when my friend yelled "it's just titties" because there were girls drying themselves nude after skinny-dipping!! You see, we used have crazy-ass parties at The Claremont back when I was in Cape Town and we had named our flat Chateau Le Pi!! We had Bad Bitches in the early hours of the morning doing crazy shit, inebriated as fuck and all security asked is that we keep the noise level down for a bit (so they can enjoy watching them titties on cctv). Those girls were proper comrades for the struggled.
The reason why i'm writing about this revolution is because staying in Swaziland gave me a whole new perspective on titties. In Swaziland, titties are free and belong to the people!! Viva. I've never met girls who are so casual about titties in my life!! I was at this house party the other day, so i'm in a room with about 7 ppl. Whilst i'm busy hollering at shorty I decide to compliment her cleavage!! This girl then up and decides to just whip out her one tit like she was taking a wallet to pay for a hotdog or some shit. DURING THE PEOPLE mchana!! I was not expecting that at all. That's when I decided she needs to get the D for her services to the people. And the way them yellowbone titties were so nice I had to lick them twice!!
A couple of decades from now our kids will be laughing at the fact that exposing titties was considered a taboo!! Like, bitches had to cover up at ALL times. I suppose it would be as startling as how certain religions now force women to cover their heads with veils so we don't get to see their faces!! Like how are we suppose to pick booty when we can't even examine it properly - but some girls really need to cover up their saggy tits hlem!!
We live in a generation where heaux send nudes and niggas own sextapes!! Like, titties should not be a big deal by now. Celebrity girls like Rihanna have now taken the initiative by not wearing bra's in public and exposing their titties in magazines!! So girls who are still stingy with their titties are too basic. From now on we declare that there shall be zero bra's allowed in order to thrive in this discriminating world!! We need to push for gender equality, therefore them titties must be free. Who knows, there might even be hope for fat bitches out there #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #Revolution #ItsJustTitties
Lmfao, i'll never forget the night when my friend yelled "it's just titties" because there were girls drying themselves nude after skinny-dipping!! You see, we used have crazy-ass parties at The Claremont back when I was in Cape Town and we had named our flat Chateau Le Pi!! We had Bad Bitches in the early hours of the morning doing crazy shit, inebriated as fuck and all security asked is that we keep the noise level down for a bit (so they can enjoy watching them titties on cctv). Those girls were proper comrades for the struggled.
The reason why i'm writing about this revolution is because staying in Swaziland gave me a whole new perspective on titties. In Swaziland, titties are free and belong to the people!! Viva. I've never met girls who are so casual about titties in my life!! I was at this house party the other day, so i'm in a room with about 7 ppl. Whilst i'm busy hollering at shorty I decide to compliment her cleavage!! This girl then up and decides to just whip out her one tit like she was taking a wallet to pay for a hotdog or some shit. DURING THE PEOPLE mchana!! I was not expecting that at all. That's when I decided she needs to get the D for her services to the people. And the way them yellowbone titties were so nice I had to lick them twice!!
A couple of decades from now our kids will be laughing at the fact that exposing titties was considered a taboo!! Like, bitches had to cover up at ALL times. I suppose it would be as startling as how certain religions now force women to cover their heads with veils so we don't get to see their faces!! Like how are we suppose to pick booty when we can't even examine it properly - but some girls really need to cover up their saggy tits hlem!!
We live in a generation where heaux send nudes and niggas own sextapes!! Like, titties should not be a big deal by now. Celebrity girls like Rihanna have now taken the initiative by not wearing bra's in public and exposing their titties in magazines!! So girls who are still stingy with their titties are too basic. From now on we declare that there shall be zero bra's allowed in order to thrive in this discriminating world!! We need to push for gender equality, therefore them titties must be free. Who knows, there might even be hope for fat bitches out there #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #Revolution #ItsJustTitties
Tuesday, 20 May 2014
These Heaux Ain't Loyal
Whack Nigga Stays Losing Coz He's Too Clingy:
So I was on a date with some yum yum who I knew has a boyfriend (disclaimer: I find girls with boyfriends easier to sleep with). Next thing you know, half way through our date, the boyfriend decides to rock up with his friend and they intrude our date!! You see, this girl had answered her boyfriends call earlier and decided to tell him exactly where she'd be (bitch should've lied). So this chimpanzee decided he's going to track her ass down and see what she's really up to in person!! Smdh
I think at this point I need to give a brief background on the kinda shorty this tasty is. This chick is 22yrs old but has got super strict paRentals who happen to be separated!! So her divorced-birth-paRentals live a distance apart which forces her to stay with her mom when she's at varsity and her dad when she's on vac. Both this chick's paRentals don't want her going out at night so if anything she gets a curfew (this ladies and gentlemen is how you can turn a sweet innocent girl into a rebel).
So back to this whack-ass boyfriend who intruded our date!! Between me and this girl our bill (which I paid for) came up to R300. Now, you're probably wondering why I find it necessary to disclose this. Like you're thinking "wow, what a miser". The reason why I needed to emphasize the amount is because there was no ways I was going to tolerate those clowns trying to share my date (regardless of their status). So you can imagine how disturbed I was when these niggas tried to chill for a bit after this chick had clearly explain to them that she's busy catching up with a 'friend'!! Lol.
The saddest part about all of this is that when she decided to chase them away, they found a table to chill at somewhere else. These niggas tried to stay in our proximity but then they realized that every table in our area had couples looking all cozy for days (which indadvertedly made them seem more gay)!! Ouch. Imagine your bitch chases you away from chilling with her because she's with another dude and yo punk ass decides to stick around, with your guy friend, in a place filled with couples. So this nigga had to witness peeps getting romantic (receiving hand jobs from under the table and what-not) whilst his wounded-ass remained tjatjarag.
At this point, ya'llz are probably hoping I got my ass kicked. Well, truth is that this nigga doesn't want to give his girl space coz he's too insecure so he has become too obsessed (which is not a good look for the babies)!! If anything, this nigga is driving this girl towards me with his whack tendencies and I didn't even have to bother placing an order for the booty in the process. This guy is older than me and is a manager somewhere (as opposed to my unemployed ass) yet he is so mild he needs to ask for a glass of tap water on the side (uzobaryt). Apparently this nigga is cool with the moms so they work together in trying to control this yum yum!! Biggest mistake one could do in a fresh relationship is to try involve paRentals - strong relationships require intimacy and dealing with matters internally!!
I won't lie, due to this niggas fatal errors, my game was just cruising on auto-pilot!! This girl was just complaining about him - turns out they've only been dating 3months (hahaha, I know right). I was just there busy being serious about her playing with my balls later!! Telling her I bet she's a freak. As soon as I heard her say "hehehe, stop it. You're making me horny" my balls immediately became moist and I knew it was late for that ass!!
You are now probably judging her they way, the way, calling her a hoe or whatever. But the sad reality is that this girl needs a break from that whack nigga who just refuses to give her her space!! She is generally very reserved but emotionally and sexually frustrated as well (clearly). One thing I noticed though is that she was thrilled to do daring stuff!! She needed to "live a little coz niggas die a lot". If any bitches need a break from their whack-ass boyfriends, my philanthropist D is here to give support!! Holla at yo boi ya bish #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #TheseHeauxAintLoyal #Widays
So I was on a date with some yum yum who I knew has a boyfriend (disclaimer: I find girls with boyfriends easier to sleep with). Next thing you know, half way through our date, the boyfriend decides to rock up with his friend and they intrude our date!! You see, this girl had answered her boyfriends call earlier and decided to tell him exactly where she'd be (bitch should've lied). So this chimpanzee decided he's going to track her ass down and see what she's really up to in person!! Smdh
I think at this point I need to give a brief background on the kinda shorty this tasty is. This chick is 22yrs old but has got super strict paRentals who happen to be separated!! So her divorced-birth-paRentals live a distance apart which forces her to stay with her mom when she's at varsity and her dad when she's on vac. Both this chick's paRentals don't want her going out at night so if anything she gets a curfew (this ladies and gentlemen is how you can turn a sweet innocent girl into a rebel).
So back to this whack-ass boyfriend who intruded our date!! Between me and this girl our bill (which I paid for) came up to R300. Now, you're probably wondering why I find it necessary to disclose this. Like you're thinking "wow, what a miser". The reason why I needed to emphasize the amount is because there was no ways I was going to tolerate those clowns trying to share my date (regardless of their status). So you can imagine how disturbed I was when these niggas tried to chill for a bit after this chick had clearly explain to them that she's busy catching up with a 'friend'!! Lol.
The saddest part about all of this is that when she decided to chase them away, they found a table to chill at somewhere else. These niggas tried to stay in our proximity but then they realized that every table in our area had couples looking all cozy for days (which indadvertedly made them seem more gay)!! Ouch. Imagine your bitch chases you away from chilling with her because she's with another dude and yo punk ass decides to stick around, with your guy friend, in a place filled with couples. So this nigga had to witness peeps getting romantic (receiving hand jobs from under the table and what-not) whilst his wounded-ass remained tjatjarag.
At this point, ya'llz are probably hoping I got my ass kicked. Well, truth is that this nigga doesn't want to give his girl space coz he's too insecure so he has become too obsessed (which is not a good look for the babies)!! If anything, this nigga is driving this girl towards me with his whack tendencies and I didn't even have to bother placing an order for the booty in the process. This guy is older than me and is a manager somewhere (as opposed to my unemployed ass) yet he is so mild he needs to ask for a glass of tap water on the side (uzobaryt). Apparently this nigga is cool with the moms so they work together in trying to control this yum yum!! Biggest mistake one could do in a fresh relationship is to try involve paRentals - strong relationships require intimacy and dealing with matters internally!!
I won't lie, due to this niggas fatal errors, my game was just cruising on auto-pilot!! This girl was just complaining about him - turns out they've only been dating 3months (hahaha, I know right). I was just there busy being serious about her playing with my balls later!! Telling her I bet she's a freak. As soon as I heard her say "hehehe, stop it. You're making me horny" my balls immediately became moist and I knew it was late for that ass!!
You are now probably judging her they way, the way, calling her a hoe or whatever. But the sad reality is that this girl needs a break from that whack nigga who just refuses to give her her space!! She is generally very reserved but emotionally and sexually frustrated as well (clearly). One thing I noticed though is that she was thrilled to do daring stuff!! She needed to "live a little coz niggas die a lot". If any bitches need a break from their whack-ass boyfriends, my philanthropist D is here to give support!! Holla at yo boi ya bish #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #TheseHeauxAintLoyal #Widays
Sunday, 18 May 2014
Things Helen Made
DA Never Loved Us:
So GodZille just up and decides to expose how niggas ain't shit without her (the master's) guidance!! Like niggas would still be hunting for food with spears if it weren't for her. Basically, bolacks should thank GodZille that they get to be eating cereal for breakfast n shit!!
The problem with the DA is that they're always undermining bolacks!! GodZille had become so complacent with her 'helpers' that she had forgotten that they also have their own ambitions. The 1st thing that she was supposed to acknowledge when grooming bolacks is that bolacks are greedy. There was no ways she was was ever gonna be able to ration that whale - shame, and the poor girl wasn't even trying to double-cross the DA or anything, she just decided to pursue her studies at Harvard that's all.
These greedy bolacks are always a problem!! I mean, GodZille should know this since she's the one we should be thanking for blessing us with Taboo & Cocoon. Babalwa Mneno knows she wouldn't be shit on wednesday's if it weren't for GodZille!! Do you think these coons would be able to organize that kind of Turn Up themselves?! Nah suhn, whatchu know about GodZille. Better recognize!!
The problem with DA is that they're a white party that is desperate for bolack votes. They are however threatened by the 'smart bolacks' and consider their ambitions insubordinate!! They prefer bolacks who are submissive and who know their place. This is how GodZille let the booty get away with Mampara Rampara!! All Mampara wanted was a little respect and some Guarana but GodZille undermined her and thought she would come cheap with just a mild kiss (no tongue, NOTHING). Not even a quart of Savannah Dark (if they have those)?! It was so late for her.
If you're a bolack then DA has no intention of letting you be GREAT!! Even Sipho, no matter how exceptional the nigga thinks he is he's still not allowed to replace the dog riding in the front. He shall remain his exceptional ass in the back of the bakkie where he belongs!! This actually reminds me of the quota system in sports and how it is still struggling at the moment. How they denied Simon Magakwe an opportunity to represent South Africa in the Olympics!! The nigga was breaking records training with Usain Bolt, Tyson Gay and shit and yet they chose a cripple white dude in his place instead. Smdh!!
Bolacks are becoming more and more gutsy!! These chimpanzee's no longer wait for their master's to help them open a book. These niggas are independent now and it annoys the shit outta white folks!! All white people can do now is make noise and claim bolacks don't have a clue what they're doing. Either way, they need to remember to wait before they're tjatjarag and let us be GREAT #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #ThingsHelenMade #DANeverLovedUs
So GodZille just up and decides to expose how niggas ain't shit without her (the master's) guidance!! Like niggas would still be hunting for food with spears if it weren't for her. Basically, bolacks should thank GodZille that they get to be eating cereal for breakfast n shit!!
The problem with the DA is that they're always undermining bolacks!! GodZille had become so complacent with her 'helpers' that she had forgotten that they also have their own ambitions. The 1st thing that she was supposed to acknowledge when grooming bolacks is that bolacks are greedy. There was no ways she was was ever gonna be able to ration that whale - shame, and the poor girl wasn't even trying to double-cross the DA or anything, she just decided to pursue her studies at Harvard that's all.
These greedy bolacks are always a problem!! I mean, GodZille should know this since she's the one we should be thanking for blessing us with Taboo & Cocoon. Babalwa Mneno knows she wouldn't be shit on wednesday's if it weren't for GodZille!! Do you think these coons would be able to organize that kind of Turn Up themselves?! Nah suhn, whatchu know about GodZille. Better recognize!!
The problem with DA is that they're a white party that is desperate for bolack votes. They are however threatened by the 'smart bolacks' and consider their ambitions insubordinate!! They prefer bolacks who are submissive and who know their place. This is how GodZille let the booty get away with Mampara Rampara!! All Mampara wanted was a little respect and some Guarana but GodZille undermined her and thought she would come cheap with just a mild kiss (no tongue, NOTHING). Not even a quart of Savannah Dark (if they have those)?! It was so late for her.
If you're a bolack then DA has no intention of letting you be GREAT!! Even Sipho, no matter how exceptional the nigga thinks he is he's still not allowed to replace the dog riding in the front. He shall remain his exceptional ass in the back of the bakkie where he belongs!! This actually reminds me of the quota system in sports and how it is still struggling at the moment. How they denied Simon Magakwe an opportunity to represent South Africa in the Olympics!! The nigga was breaking records training with Usain Bolt, Tyson Gay and shit and yet they chose a cripple white dude in his place instead. Smdh!!
Bolacks are becoming more and more gutsy!! These chimpanzee's no longer wait for their master's to help them open a book. These niggas are independent now and it annoys the shit outta white folks!! All white people can do now is make noise and claim bolacks don't have a clue what they're doing. Either way, they need to remember to wait before they're tjatjarag and let us be GREAT #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #ThingsHelenMade #DANeverLovedUs
Tuesday, 13 May 2014
Bolack Bish Cray
Bolack women are crazy bra:
There is absolutely zero way to justify Solange's behaviour on attacking Jay Z!! I mean, let's just say (hypothetically) that Jay Z did fuck up. What gives her the right to be throwing fly kicks like she's in Kill Bill?? Ratchets would say she was just sticking up for her sister (Beyonce was chilled by the way) but that shit is just not on!! She needs to stay her lane. Isn't Solange supposed to be married?? Where was her bitch ass husband throughout all of this?? Jay Z needs to call up that nigga on some, "ey guy, control your hoe!! She busy throwing tantrums like she's sexually frustrated or some shit".
You see the problem with black women is that they like drama too much!! They hate on each other with non-stop gossip and pretend to be cool like nothing was being said. When black women can't find drama they'll create it!! Solange (being the miserable wife she is) was probably on some, "oooh girl, we done got his ass this time!!". Meanwhile there's nothing there to go crazy about. They probably suspected Jay Z of doing some shady shit (like fondling Rihanna) and next thing when Jay Z goes after the booty to explain himself, he's greeted with karate kicks. Smdh
It's always the miserable bitches who suspect niggas of being foul!! These girls never consider the fact that there could be a perfectly reasonable explanation for whatever they thought they knew. Like, "bitch, slow your roll". Problem with black women is that (as i've said before) they're always getting ahead of themselves!! Whether it be by jumping to conclusions or totally misreading the situation.
Take this one crazy bish I know for example!! This bish crazy ass was busy being ignored (coz she needs to chill) so she then decides to get drunk and break into a nigga's place with her friend. There were other niggas in the actual crib at the time so those niggas eventually opened for their crazy asses. But her and her friend broke into the premises!! So once they were let in (mind you, the nigga they came to see was still out partying), this chick decides to crash on his bed with her beautiful-motorboat-titties hanging out in the open so that this nigga can arrive to a surprise.
So imagine now a nigga arrives home from the club and finds uninvited titties in his bed (it would've been even more fucked up if he had arrived with a bitch with him)!! How dare she use her titties like everything would be forgotten. Niggas would rather die of thirst than to give away their pride!! What she did was unacceptable. Women need to understand that men like to be in control, otherwise we feel like we're being disrespected. The least she could do is trick a nigga into believing he was in control and he initiated everything (coz guys are stupid like that).
Nigga obviously had to take a tough stance by kicking her crazy ass out!! Not even the other niggas who were there at the crib wanted to smash those crazy bitches. The stunt they pulled was so undignified!! You know you always get the wounded nigga with dusty-desert-dry-balls amongst the niggas (the nigga with wounded powder). Even that nigga was willing to pass that booty!! Crazy is super unattractive no matter how hot a girl is. Them drunk bitches left that place without juggling zero balls but still had to do the walk of shame #PoorDecisions #Smdh #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage
There is absolutely zero way to justify Solange's behaviour on attacking Jay Z!! I mean, let's just say (hypothetically) that Jay Z did fuck up. What gives her the right to be throwing fly kicks like she's in Kill Bill?? Ratchets would say she was just sticking up for her sister (Beyonce was chilled by the way) but that shit is just not on!! She needs to stay her lane. Isn't Solange supposed to be married?? Where was her bitch ass husband throughout all of this?? Jay Z needs to call up that nigga on some, "ey guy, control your hoe!! She busy throwing tantrums like she's sexually frustrated or some shit".
You see the problem with black women is that they like drama too much!! They hate on each other with non-stop gossip and pretend to be cool like nothing was being said. When black women can't find drama they'll create it!! Solange (being the miserable wife she is) was probably on some, "oooh girl, we done got his ass this time!!". Meanwhile there's nothing there to go crazy about. They probably suspected Jay Z of doing some shady shit (like fondling Rihanna) and next thing when Jay Z goes after the booty to explain himself, he's greeted with karate kicks. Smdh
It's always the miserable bitches who suspect niggas of being foul!! These girls never consider the fact that there could be a perfectly reasonable explanation for whatever they thought they knew. Like, "bitch, slow your roll". Problem with black women is that (as i've said before) they're always getting ahead of themselves!! Whether it be by jumping to conclusions or totally misreading the situation.
Take this one crazy bish I know for example!! This bish crazy ass was busy being ignored (coz she needs to chill) so she then decides to get drunk and break into a nigga's place with her friend. There were other niggas in the actual crib at the time so those niggas eventually opened for their crazy asses. But her and her friend broke into the premises!! So once they were let in (mind you, the nigga they came to see was still out partying), this chick decides to crash on his bed with her beautiful-motorboat-titties hanging out in the open so that this nigga can arrive to a surprise.
So imagine now a nigga arrives home from the club and finds uninvited titties in his bed (it would've been even more fucked up if he had arrived with a bitch with him)!! How dare she use her titties like everything would be forgotten. Niggas would rather die of thirst than to give away their pride!! What she did was unacceptable. Women need to understand that men like to be in control, otherwise we feel like we're being disrespected. The least she could do is trick a nigga into believing he was in control and he initiated everything (coz guys are stupid like that).
Nigga obviously had to take a tough stance by kicking her crazy ass out!! Not even the other niggas who were there at the crib wanted to smash those crazy bitches. The stunt they pulled was so undignified!! You know you always get the wounded nigga with dusty-desert-dry-balls amongst the niggas (the nigga with wounded powder). Even that nigga was willing to pass that booty!! Crazy is super unattractive no matter how hot a girl is. Them drunk bitches left that place without juggling zero balls but still had to do the walk of shame #PoorDecisions #Smdh #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage
Sunday, 11 May 2014
Elections 2014: South Africa
Race Is Clearly An Issue In South African:
I suppose the main thing that has bothered me so much is the mentality bolacks have towards white people and vice versa. Like, the way bolacks put white people on a pedestal and seek their approval for EV-ERY-THANG!! To bolacks, white people are the omnipotent, omniscient, benevolent agents to ever bless this earth. For instance, if a bolack manages to score an Alaskan bish: booooooi, that nigga done won the lottery!! That nigga could contract HIV/AIDS from the bish and he would still die a martyr. Bolacks will even give their new-born's white names in the hope that they'll be GREAT (when they're older)!! Then next thing, poor "Innocent Majola" gets his ass landed in jail for stealing chicken wings at mall or something stupid like that #EpicFail
The way white people (especially the elite) treat bolacks is also messed up!! That sort of paternalistic approach they have when introducing bolacks is so fucking condescending (I hate it). Like, "hi everyone, meet Sipho. Sipho matriculate with 8 distinctions, was head prefect, can play the violin, he has never been seen stealing in his life.. *and they go on with all the credentials*" so everyone there could be comfortable around Sipho, because Sipho is NOT your ordinary bolack!! Yea, so white people can relax now and go back to having racist conversations. Sipho is cool/safe (he is tamed), so we can safely assume he's not like the rest of these thugs out here.
In order for Sipho to reach his goals or move up in the world, he has learnt that he needs to disassociate himself from bolacks (because bolacks stink and bolacks are clearly not a good look). Day by day Sipho has to lose/hide his true identity because he has now been accepted in the fraternity of whites (so now he needs to familiarize himself with all these exotic foods when a nigga just wants chicken or ribs)!! In order for Sipho to make it up the social ladder and thrive in his work environment he has to behave accordingly and not be seen getting it on with Alaskans (because that's that shit that is very threatening towards white folks). Nigga has to pretend to find Eva Longoria as the only attractive Desperate Housewife - otherwise it's late for him!!
So what then happens with all the "radical bolacks" who choose to stay true to their culture and not take Sipho's route [Oh, those are your corrupt, illiterate, disruptive, conniving bolacks who are no good to society.. by the way!!]?? Well, those chimpanzee's are the one's who are good for splurging money (which they don't have), they rape their women and they are always taking shortcuts because they are coons. These are the stereotypes they face and this is how they're perceived (basically, they're untrustworthy since they are not guided by whites) and the media will feed into these perceptions.
Solutions: I personally think that white people in South Africa need to sit the fuck back and allow bolacks to thrive. If a white person has the audacity to recommend a majority white government (which will also be corrupt), in a 90% non-white population (20yrs post-apartheid), as the main solution to development in South Africa, then he/she must go JUMP!! Until they're willing to share the spoils which they stole during Apartheid, then bolacks will be willing to vote them into governance. Corruption will always exist in any government (white people aren't immune to that shit)!! Bolacks need to stop being greedy and start living by principles. Whatever happened to practicing UBUNTU?! There is zero place for racism in a society but bolacks simply need empowerment #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #DANeverLovedUs #BlackConsciousness
I suppose the main thing that has bothered me so much is the mentality bolacks have towards white people and vice versa. Like, the way bolacks put white people on a pedestal and seek their approval for EV-ERY-THANG!! To bolacks, white people are the omnipotent, omniscient, benevolent agents to ever bless this earth. For instance, if a bolack manages to score an Alaskan bish: booooooi, that nigga done won the lottery!! That nigga could contract HIV/AIDS from the bish and he would still die a martyr. Bolacks will even give their new-born's white names in the hope that they'll be GREAT (when they're older)!! Then next thing, poor "Innocent Majola" gets his ass landed in jail for stealing chicken wings at mall or something stupid like that #EpicFail
The way white people (especially the elite) treat bolacks is also messed up!! That sort of paternalistic approach they have when introducing bolacks is so fucking condescending (I hate it). Like, "hi everyone, meet Sipho. Sipho matriculate with 8 distinctions, was head prefect, can play the violin, he has never been seen stealing in his life.. *and they go on with all the credentials*" so everyone there could be comfortable around Sipho, because Sipho is NOT your ordinary bolack!! Yea, so white people can relax now and go back to having racist conversations. Sipho is cool/safe (he is tamed), so we can safely assume he's not like the rest of these thugs out here.
In order for Sipho to reach his goals or move up in the world, he has learnt that he needs to disassociate himself from bolacks (because bolacks stink and bolacks are clearly not a good look). Day by day Sipho has to lose/hide his true identity because he has now been accepted in the fraternity of whites (so now he needs to familiarize himself with all these exotic foods when a nigga just wants chicken or ribs)!! In order for Sipho to make it up the social ladder and thrive in his work environment he has to behave accordingly and not be seen getting it on with Alaskans (because that's that shit that is very threatening towards white folks). Nigga has to pretend to find Eva Longoria as the only attractive Desperate Housewife - otherwise it's late for him!!
So what then happens with all the "radical bolacks" who choose to stay true to their culture and not take Sipho's route [Oh, those are your corrupt, illiterate, disruptive, conniving bolacks who are no good to society.. by the way!!]?? Well, those chimpanzee's are the one's who are good for splurging money (which they don't have), they rape their women and they are always taking shortcuts because they are coons. These are the stereotypes they face and this is how they're perceived (basically, they're untrustworthy since they are not guided by whites) and the media will feed into these perceptions.
Solutions: I personally think that white people in South Africa need to sit the fuck back and allow bolacks to thrive. If a white person has the audacity to recommend a majority white government (which will also be corrupt), in a 90% non-white population (20yrs post-apartheid), as the main solution to development in South Africa, then he/she must go JUMP!! Until they're willing to share the spoils which they stole during Apartheid, then bolacks will be willing to vote them into governance. Corruption will always exist in any government (white people aren't immune to that shit)!! Bolacks need to stop being greedy and start living by principles. Whatever happened to practicing UBUNTU?! There is zero place for racism in a society but bolacks simply need empowerment #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #DANeverLovedUs #BlackConsciousness
Friday, 9 May 2014
Riding Shotgun (via facebook)
Most of u probably wonder how a wounded fossil like me manages to get around without having a car. It's quite sad really, I go by my principle of "Reliable Liability". Basically, I have to be that useful tool when i'm riding shotgun. My duty is to make sure that we have fun whilst you provide the resources!! The tricky part is having to deal with all the different characters that guys with whips all have. At the end of the day, you're at their mercy and you need to apply yourself accordingly!!
You get the grumpy dude aka Male Diva (usually it's the pretty boy), who is very unpredictable and is generally a very difficult person. There are times when u have 2 beg him not to leave (early), to the extent that you even offer him everything you can!! Like if u organized 2 bitches then u're going 2 hav 2 settle 4 Kelly Rowland and offer him Beyonce (that's right, I refer 2 all my second-tier bitches as Kelly Rowlands). The nice thing about this guy though is that even though he can give u a tough time in da club, once you manage to capture booty to take to his car, he's game and assumes control!! He'll establish dominance in his whip so bitches are required to bee hive. Coz u'll get bitches who'll get in the car expecting 2 b dropped off at home and niggas will just defy them like, "bitch, dafuq u think this is?? This ain't no diplomatic hospitality that offers services to buy drinks then drive u straight home!! Nobody is going home until these balls are moist".
Then there's the problematic dude, who is a very wild child. This nigga just wants to cause havoc everywhere he goes!! He can't handle his liquor and girls think of him as an asshole. This nigga just wants to be reckless and greedy so he'll ball out of control (to get attention) then he'll holla at EVERY girl!! U'll b there trying to convince him 2 settle 4 some reasonable platter but then oh no boi. This nigga just wants to claim all The Bitches!! The sad part, as the story goes, is we will end up leaving there with dry balls and next thing u know this guy is trying 2 holla at sum prostitutes. Like, "it ain't that kinda party my guy. U let the booty get away now stop trying to pay".
Last but not least you get the passive dude. Dude will be down for whatever, whenever!! This guy is generally not a sociable guy but he just came out looking 4 bootay (no milk, no cookies, NOTHING). So he just expects u 2 do best, work ur magic and he'll be lurking on the wing!! This guy is very submissive. He would eat ass and be glad just becoz he managed 2 cum right. Anything just to get to feel a breast of a woman!! With these niggas, I prefer taking them to hoodrats. The beauty about hoodrats is that they have zero standards!! A hoodrat will find anything fascinating as long as it can pay for drinks and speak better engrich than it does. So u can imagine how ideal these okes are. I mean, who needs a car when u've got these okes. Hehehe
I hope this status didn't just cost me my next ride!! I would like to apologize in advance to any of u who may have been too sensitive and took too much offense. And my niggas wifey's better not be trying to figure out if i'm referring to their men over here. Niggas go into a totally different mode when they go out!! So if your man if usually passive, chances are he may well be problematic when he's out. Or if u know ur man to being problematic, then maybe he's actually grumpy when he goes out!! And so on so forth #ItsOnlyEntertainment #BootyIsMoreImportantThanWhips #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage
You get the grumpy dude aka Male Diva (usually it's the pretty boy), who is very unpredictable and is generally a very difficult person. There are times when u have 2 beg him not to leave (early), to the extent that you even offer him everything you can!! Like if u organized 2 bitches then u're going 2 hav 2 settle 4 Kelly Rowland and offer him Beyonce (that's right, I refer 2 all my second-tier bitches as Kelly Rowlands). The nice thing about this guy though is that even though he can give u a tough time in da club, once you manage to capture booty to take to his car, he's game and assumes control!! He'll establish dominance in his whip so bitches are required to bee hive. Coz u'll get bitches who'll get in the car expecting 2 b dropped off at home and niggas will just defy them like, "bitch, dafuq u think this is?? This ain't no diplomatic hospitality that offers services to buy drinks then drive u straight home!! Nobody is going home until these balls are moist".
Then there's the problematic dude, who is a very wild child. This nigga just wants to cause havoc everywhere he goes!! He can't handle his liquor and girls think of him as an asshole. This nigga just wants to be reckless and greedy so he'll ball out of control (to get attention) then he'll holla at EVERY girl!! U'll b there trying to convince him 2 settle 4 some reasonable platter but then oh no boi. This nigga just wants to claim all The Bitches!! The sad part, as the story goes, is we will end up leaving there with dry balls and next thing u know this guy is trying 2 holla at sum prostitutes. Like, "it ain't that kinda party my guy. U let the booty get away now stop trying to pay".
Last but not least you get the passive dude. Dude will be down for whatever, whenever!! This guy is generally not a sociable guy but he just came out looking 4 bootay (no milk, no cookies, NOTHING). So he just expects u 2 do best, work ur magic and he'll be lurking on the wing!! This guy is very submissive. He would eat ass and be glad just becoz he managed 2 cum right. Anything just to get to feel a breast of a woman!! With these niggas, I prefer taking them to hoodrats. The beauty about hoodrats is that they have zero standards!! A hoodrat will find anything fascinating as long as it can pay for drinks and speak better engrich than it does. So u can imagine how ideal these okes are. I mean, who needs a car when u've got these okes. Hehehe
I hope this status didn't just cost me my next ride!! I would like to apologize in advance to any of u who may have been too sensitive and took too much offense. And my niggas wifey's better not be trying to figure out if i'm referring to their men over here. Niggas go into a totally different mode when they go out!! So if your man if usually passive, chances are he may well be problematic when he's out. Or if u know ur man to being problematic, then maybe he's actually grumpy when he goes out!! And so on so forth #ItsOnlyEntertainment #BootyIsMoreImportantThanWhips #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage
Tuesday, 6 May 2014
Bolacks and Weaves
These Bolacks and their Weaves:
I hate weaves!! And the reason why this particular subject has always bothered me is because I do not know a single bolack male who is okay with weaves (yet these heaux rock them regardless)!! These chekita's don't respect us bra. They are zero concerned about what us guys think or how we feel!! I just had to go out and try to investigate where the problem lies whilst I try to get in them thighs ya dig. I had to try and find out why they do like this.
Turns out bolack bishes have a really low self esteem - which baffles me coz most of these tasties are naturally yum yums. The problem though is that they lack the confidence that is required to demand extravagant things (like convincing males to buy them/their friends Guarana's). So weaves give these girls the 'power' (as if booty isn't omnipotent enough) to believe that they're Beyonce's and your wounded ass has to play along and pretend to be Jay Z!! Weaves instill confidence. So when a bish puts on a weave they're supposed to transform or some shit.
These heaux are delusional B - ain't nobody got time for that. The one minute these heaux are busy at home polishing the stoep and the next they're trying to find love in the club like they ass is Cinderella-ela-ela-ey *Rihanna voice* or some shit. They shouldn't come here with those tjatjarag tendencies!! If you're fake you must jump. This is NOT Jam Alley where you get to play games expecting to win from choosing "middle-centre" in this bitch!!
So, never, ever, ever fuck a bish with a weave on consecutively (not even twice) until she takes that ish off. Why?? Coz a bish with a weave has psychologically put herself in a relationship before she even met you!! This bish has already got so ahead of herself that she has named your left testicle even before you two even met!! Them bitches that prematurely catch feelings will cling onto your balls like you draws suhn. In her mind (her 'drunk in love' mind) ya'll are dating the minute you decide to fuck her twice!! Next thing you know, this crazy bish is claiming you DURING the people and your sorry ass is busy responding "but I didn't even return calling you 'babe' though".
Trust me suhn!! Fuck a bish with natural hair and that bish will even be content with being your side chick (and she doesn't even have to have 'daddy issues'). Now that's wifey material right thurrr!! It's reverse psychology for "she's a down ass bish" so not only will you want to keep her, but you will remain faithful to her as well (coz the bish deserves a Bells).
You see, I wants me a girl with natural hair coz them bitches don't have an Identity Crisis - they know their place. Bish will even cook and clean for you (yet still have time to play with your balls after)!! Fellas, stop entertaining these fake ass superficial heaux in the club. This ain't a movie dawg #ChroniclesOfMostaPi #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #LeaveTheWeave
I hate weaves!! And the reason why this particular subject has always bothered me is because I do not know a single bolack male who is okay with weaves (yet these heaux rock them regardless)!! These chekita's don't respect us bra. They are zero concerned about what us guys think or how we feel!! I just had to go out and try to investigate where the problem lies whilst I try to get in them thighs ya dig. I had to try and find out why they do like this.
Turns out bolack bishes have a really low self esteem - which baffles me coz most of these tasties are naturally yum yums. The problem though is that they lack the confidence that is required to demand extravagant things (like convincing males to buy them/their friends Guarana's). So weaves give these girls the 'power' (as if booty isn't omnipotent enough) to believe that they're Beyonce's and your wounded ass has to play along and pretend to be Jay Z!! Weaves instill confidence. So when a bish puts on a weave they're supposed to transform or some shit.
These heaux are delusional B - ain't nobody got time for that. The one minute these heaux are busy at home polishing the stoep and the next they're trying to find love in the club like they ass is Cinderella-ela-ela-ey *Rihanna voice* or some shit. They shouldn't come here with those tjatjarag tendencies!! If you're fake you must jump. This is NOT Jam Alley where you get to play games expecting to win from choosing "middle-centre" in this bitch!!
So, never, ever, ever fuck a bish with a weave on consecutively (not even twice) until she takes that ish off. Why?? Coz a bish with a weave has psychologically put herself in a relationship before she even met you!! This bish has already got so ahead of herself that she has named your left testicle even before you two even met!! Them bitches that prematurely catch feelings will cling onto your balls like you draws suhn. In her mind (her 'drunk in love' mind) ya'll are dating the minute you decide to fuck her twice!! Next thing you know, this crazy bish is claiming you DURING the people and your sorry ass is busy responding "but I didn't even return calling you 'babe' though".
Trust me suhn!! Fuck a bish with natural hair and that bish will even be content with being your side chick (and she doesn't even have to have 'daddy issues'). Now that's wifey material right thurrr!! It's reverse psychology for "she's a down ass bish" so not only will you want to keep her, but you will remain faithful to her as well (coz the bish deserves a Bells).
You see, I wants me a girl with natural hair coz them bitches don't have an Identity Crisis - they know their place. Bish will even cook and clean for you (yet still have time to play with your balls after)!! Fellas, stop entertaining these fake ass superficial heaux in the club. This ain't a movie dawg #ChroniclesOfMostaPi #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #LeaveTheWeave
Sunday, 4 May 2014
KK's Made The Booty Get Away
What's with these Jhb girls ACTUALLY!! Everywhere I go the booty gets away if i'm not willing to pay.
So there's this booty I met in Jhb and I thought she wanted to play with my balls (there I was thinking she's game khanti it turns out she just likes things)!! The thing that puzzles me the most is that this yum yum comes from a rich family so I didn't expect her to be behaving like a chimpanzee. I mean, her family background requires her to bee-hive nahmean.
Anyway, so there I was hollering at shorty trying to come right when she tells me she doesn't do SA guys!! I'm there thinking, but i'm from Lesotho though. So she's like, "well, I don't do niggas in the SADC region". I'm thinking "eish, should I just lie to this broad and tell her i'm actually half Gambian or some shit". Like "bitch, whatchu know about these half Gambian balls?! I descend from the north biatch. Them Kunta Kinte's is actually my cousin's namsayin".
Basically I just ended up interrogating the booty just to try find out what she see's in these flashy-dubious-motherfuckers. You see, i'm just a wounded boy from the village!! So I didn't come to Jhb with no milk, no cookies, NOTHING. When i'm in the club I don't be behaving like these KK's literally paying bitches just to spanky spanky!! Smdh, what happened to having game. These niggas only ball with free-throws!!
Next time i'm in Jhb i'm going to lie about where i'm from!! These KK's just came here to steal jobs and women. And they ain't playing fair neither!! The booty will always get away coz these heaux ain't loyal - they like things. Your so-called "normal" girls have become self proclaimed escorts up in this biatch!! So shit is REAL namsayin. Me, i'm going to stay in my lane and remain in the village #ChroniclesOfMostaPi #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #BootyIsMoreImportantThanFoodAndWater
So there's this booty I met in Jhb and I thought she wanted to play with my balls (there I was thinking she's game khanti it turns out she just likes things)!! The thing that puzzles me the most is that this yum yum comes from a rich family so I didn't expect her to be behaving like a chimpanzee. I mean, her family background requires her to bee-hive nahmean.
Anyway, so there I was hollering at shorty trying to come right when she tells me she doesn't do SA guys!! I'm there thinking, but i'm from Lesotho though. So she's like, "well, I don't do niggas in the SADC region". I'm thinking "eish, should I just lie to this broad and tell her i'm actually half Gambian or some shit". Like "bitch, whatchu know about these half Gambian balls?! I descend from the north biatch. Them Kunta Kinte's is actually my cousin's namsayin".
Basically I just ended up interrogating the booty just to try find out what she see's in these flashy-dubious-motherfuckers. You see, i'm just a wounded boy from the village!! So I didn't come to Jhb with no milk, no cookies, NOTHING. When i'm in the club I don't be behaving like these KK's literally paying bitches just to spanky spanky!! Smdh, what happened to having game. These niggas only ball with free-throws!!
Next time i'm in Jhb i'm going to lie about where i'm from!! These KK's just came here to steal jobs and women. And they ain't playing fair neither!! The booty will always get away coz these heaux ain't loyal - they like things. Your so-called "normal" girls have become self proclaimed escorts up in this biatch!! So shit is REAL namsayin. Me, i'm going to stay in my lane and remain in the village #ChroniclesOfMostaPi #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #BootyIsMoreImportantThanFoodAndWater
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