It's Just Titties

We live in a world that needs to liberate them titties #AlutaContinua

Lmfao, i'll never forget the night when my friend yelled "it's just titties" because there were girls drying themselves nude after skinny-dipping!! You see, we used have crazy-ass parties at The Claremont back when I was in Cape Town and we had named our flat Chateau Le Pi!! We had Bad Bitches in the early hours of the morning doing crazy shit, inebriated as fuck and all security asked is that we keep the noise level down for a bit (so they can enjoy watching them titties on cctv). Those girls were proper comrades for the struggled.

The reason why i'm writing about this revolution is because staying in Swaziland gave me a whole new perspective on titties. In Swaziland, titties are free and belong to the people!! Viva. I've never met girls who are so casual about titties in my life!! I was at this house party the other day, so i'm in a room with about 7 ppl. Whilst i'm busy hollering at shorty I decide to compliment her cleavage!! This girl then up and decides to just whip out her one tit like she was taking a wallet to pay for a hotdog or some shit. DURING THE PEOPLE mchana!! I was not expecting that at all. That's when I decided she needs to get the D for her services to the people. And the way them yellowbone titties were so nice I had to lick them twice!!

A couple of decades from now our kids will be laughing at the fact that exposing titties was considered a taboo!! Like, bitches had to cover up at ALL times. I suppose it would be as startling as how certain religions now force women to cover their heads with veils so we don't get to see their faces!! Like how are we suppose to pick booty when we can't even examine it properly - but some girls really need to cover up their saggy tits hlem!!

We live in a generation where heaux send nudes and niggas own sextapes!! Like, titties should not be a big deal by now. Celebrity girls like Rihanna have now taken the initiative by not wearing bra's in public and exposing their titties in magazines!! So girls who are still stingy with their titties are too basic. From now on we declare that there shall be zero bra's allowed in order to thrive in this discriminating world!! We need to push for gender equality, therefore them titties must be free. Who knows, there might even be hope for fat bitches out there #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #Revolution #ItsJustTitties

These Heaux Ain't Loyal

Whack Nigga Stays Losing Coz He's Too Clingy:

So I was on a date with some yum yum who I knew has a boyfriend  (disclaimer: I find girls with boyfriends easier to sleep with). Next thing you know, half way through our date, the boyfriend decides to rock up with his friend and they intrude our date!! You see, this girl had answered her boyfriends call earlier and decided to tell him exactly where she'd be (bitch should've lied). So this chimpanzee decided he's going to track her ass down and see what she's really up to in person!! Smdh

I think at this point I need to give a brief background on the kinda shorty this tasty is. This chick is 22yrs old but has got super strict paRentals who happen to be separated!! So her divorced-birth-paRentals live a distance apart which forces her to stay with her mom when she's at varsity and her dad when she's on vac. Both this chick's paRentals don't want her going out at night so if anything she gets a curfew (this ladies and gentlemen is how you can turn a sweet innocent girl into a rebel).

So back to this whack-ass boyfriend who intruded our date!! Between me and this girl our bill (which I paid for) came up to R300. Now, you're probably wondering why I find it necessary to disclose this. Like you're thinking "wow, what a miser". The reason why I needed to emphasize the amount is because there was no ways I was going to tolerate those clowns trying to share my date (regardless of their status). So you can imagine how disturbed I was when these niggas tried to chill for a bit after this chick had clearly explain to them that she's busy catching up with a 'friend'!! Lol.

The saddest part about all of this is that when she decided to chase them away, they found a table to chill at somewhere else. These niggas tried to stay in our proximity but then they realized that every table in our area had couples looking all cozy for days (which indadvertedly made them seem more gay)!! Ouch. Imagine your bitch chases you away from chilling with her because she's with another dude and yo punk ass decides to stick around, with your guy friend, in a place filled with couples. So this nigga had to witness peeps getting romantic (receiving hand jobs from under the table and what-not) whilst his wounded-ass remained tjatjarag.

At this point, ya'llz are probably hoping I got my ass kicked. Well, truth is that this nigga doesn't want to give his girl space coz he's too insecure so he has become too obsessed (which is not a good look for the babies)!! If anything, this nigga is driving this girl towards me with his whack tendencies and I didn't even have to bother placing an order for the booty in the process. This guy is older than me and is a manager somewhere (as opposed to my unemployed ass) yet he is so mild he needs to ask for a glass of tap water on the side (uzobaryt). Apparently this nigga is cool with the moms so they work together in trying to control this yum yum!! Biggest mistake one could do in a fresh relationship is to try involve paRentals - strong relationships require intimacy and dealing with matters internally!!

I won't lie, due to this niggas fatal errors, my game was just cruising on auto-pilot!! This girl was just complaining about him - turns out they've only been dating 3months (hahaha, I know right). I was just there busy being serious about her playing with my balls later!! Telling her I bet she's a freak. As soon as I heard her say "hehehe, stop it. You're making me horny" my balls immediately became moist and I knew it was late for that ass!!

You are now probably judging her they way, the way, calling her a hoe or whatever. But the sad reality is that this girl needs a break from that whack nigga who just refuses to give her her space!! She is generally very reserved but emotionally and sexually frustrated as well (clearly). One thing I noticed though is that she was thrilled to do daring stuff!! She needed to "live a little coz niggas die a lot". If any bitches need a break from their whack-ass boyfriends, my philanthropist D is here to give support!! Holla at yo boi ya bish #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #TheseHeauxAintLoyal #Widays

Things Helen Made

DA Never Loved Us:

So GodZille just up and decides to expose how niggas ain't shit without her (the master's) guidance!! Like niggas would still be hunting for food with spears if it weren't for her. Basically, bolacks should thank GodZille that they get to be eating cereal for breakfast n shit!!

The problem with the DA is that they're always undermining bolacks!! GodZille had become so complacent with her 'helpers' that she had forgotten that they also have their own ambitions. The 1st thing that she was supposed to acknowledge when grooming bolacks is that bolacks are greedy. There was no ways she was was ever gonna be able to ration that whale - shame, and the poor girl wasn't even trying to double-cross the DA or anything, she just decided to pursue her studies at Harvard that's all.

These greedy bolacks are always a problem!! I mean, GodZille should know this since she's the one we should be thanking for blessing us with Taboo & Cocoon. Babalwa Mneno knows she wouldn't be shit on wednesday's if it weren't for GodZille!! Do you think these coons would be able to organize that kind of Turn Up themselves?! Nah suhn, whatchu know about GodZille. Better recognize!!

The problem with DA is that they're a white party that is desperate for bolack votes. They are however threatened by the 'smart bolacks' and consider their ambitions insubordinate!! They prefer bolacks who are submissive and who know their place. This is how GodZille let the booty get away with Mampara Rampara!! All Mampara wanted was a little respect and some Guarana but GodZille undermined her and thought she would come cheap with just a mild kiss (no tongue, NOTHING). Not even a quart of Savannah Dark (if they have those)?! It was so late for her.

If you're a bolack then DA has no intention of letting you be GREAT!! Even Sipho, no matter how exceptional the nigga thinks he is he's still not allowed to replace the dog riding in the front. He shall remain his exceptional ass in the back of the bakkie where he belongs!! This actually reminds me of the quota system in sports and how it is still struggling at the moment. How they denied Simon Magakwe an opportunity to represent South Africa in the Olympics!! The nigga was breaking records training with Usain Bolt, Tyson Gay and shit and yet they chose a cripple white dude in his place instead. Smdh!!

Bolacks are becoming more and more gutsy!! These chimpanzee's no longer wait for their master's to help them open a book. These niggas are independent now and it annoys the shit outta white folks!! All white people can do now is make noise and claim bolacks don't have a clue what they're doing. Either way, they need to remember to wait before they're tjatjarag and let us be GREAT #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #ThingsHelenMade #DANeverLovedUs

Bolack Bish Cray

Bolack women are crazy bra:

There is absolutely zero way to justify Solange's behaviour on attacking Jay Z!! I mean, let's just say (hypothetically) that Jay Z did fuck up. What gives her the right to be throwing fly kicks like she's in Kill Bill?? Ratchets would say she was just sticking up for her sister (Beyonce was chilled by the way) but that shit is just not on!! She needs to stay her lane. Isn't Solange supposed to be married?? Where was her bitch ass husband throughout all of this?? Jay Z needs to call up that nigga on some, "ey guy, control your hoe!! She busy throwing tantrums like she's sexually frustrated or some shit".

You see the problem with black women is that they like drama too much!! They hate on each other with non-stop gossip and pretend to be cool like nothing was being said. When black women can't find drama they'll create it!! Solange (being the miserable wife she is) was probably on some, "oooh girl, we done got his ass this time!!". Meanwhile there's nothing there to go crazy about. They probably suspected Jay Z of doing some shady shit (like fondling Rihanna) and next thing when Jay Z goes after the booty to explain himself, he's greeted with karate kicks. Smdh

It's always the miserable bitches who suspect niggas of being foul!! These girls never consider the fact that there could be a perfectly reasonable explanation for whatever they thought they knew. Like, "bitch, slow your roll". Problem with black women is that (as i've said before) they're always getting ahead of themselves!! Whether it be by jumping to conclusions or totally misreading the situation.

Take this one crazy bish I know for example!! This bish crazy ass was busy being ignored (coz she needs to chill) so she then decides to get drunk and break into a nigga's place with her friend. There were other niggas in the actual crib at the time so those niggas eventually opened for their crazy asses. But her and her friend broke into the premises!! So once they were let in (mind you, the nigga they came to see was still out partying), this chick decides to crash on his bed with her beautiful-motorboat-titties hanging out in the open so that this nigga can arrive to a surprise.

So imagine now a nigga arrives home from the club and finds uninvited titties in his bed (it would've been even more fucked up if he had arrived with a bitch with him)!! How dare she use her titties like everything would be forgotten. Niggas would rather die of thirst than to give away their pride!! What she did was unacceptable. Women need to understand that men like to be in control, otherwise we feel like we're being disrespected. The least she could do is trick a nigga into believing he was in control and he initiated everything (coz guys are stupid like that).

Nigga obviously had to take a tough stance by kicking her crazy ass out!! Not even the other niggas who were there at the crib wanted to smash those crazy bitches. The stunt they pulled was so undignified!! You know you always get the wounded nigga with dusty-desert-dry-balls amongst the niggas (the nigga with wounded powder). Even that nigga was willing to pass that booty!! Crazy is super unattractive no matter how hot a girl is. Them drunk bitches left that place without juggling zero balls but still had to do the walk of shame #PoorDecisions #Smdh #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage

Elections 2014: South Africa

Race Is Clearly An Issue In South African:

I suppose the main thing that has bothered me so much is the mentality bolacks have towards white people and vice versa. Like, the way bolacks put white people on a pedestal and seek their approval for EV-ERY-THANG!! To bolacks, white people are the omnipotent, omniscient, benevolent agents to ever bless this earth. For instance, if a bolack manages to score an Alaskan bish: booooooi, that nigga done won the lottery!! That nigga could contract HIV/AIDS from the bish and he would still die a martyr. Bolacks will even give their new-born's white names in the hope that they'll be GREAT (when they're older)!! Then next thing, poor "Innocent Majola" gets his ass landed in jail for stealing chicken wings at mall or something stupid like that #EpicFail

The way white people (especially the elite) treat bolacks is also messed up!! That sort of paternalistic approach they have when introducing bolacks is so fucking condescending (I hate it). Like, "hi everyone, meet Sipho. Sipho matriculate with 8 distinctions, was head prefect, can play the violin, he has never been seen stealing in his life.. *and they go on with all the credentials*" so everyone there could be comfortable around Sipho, because Sipho is NOT your ordinary bolack!! Yea, so white people can relax now and go back to having racist conversations. Sipho is cool/safe (he is tamed), so we can safely assume he's not like the rest of these thugs out here.

In order for Sipho to reach his goals or move up in the world, he has learnt that he needs to disassociate himself from bolacks (because bolacks stink and bolacks are clearly not a good look). Day by day Sipho has to lose/hide his true identity because he has now been accepted in the fraternity of whites (so now he needs to familiarize himself with all these exotic foods when a nigga just wants chicken or ribs)!! In order for Sipho to make it up the social ladder and thrive in his work environment he has to behave accordingly and not be seen getting it on with Alaskans (because that's that shit that is very threatening towards white folks). Nigga has to pretend to find Eva Longoria as the only attractive Desperate Housewife - otherwise it's late for him!!

So what then happens with all the "radical bolacks" who choose to stay true to their culture and not take Sipho's route [Oh, those are your corrupt, illiterate, disruptive, conniving bolacks who are no good to society.. by the way!!]?? Well, those chimpanzee's are the one's who are good for splurging money (which they don't have), they rape their women and they are always taking shortcuts because they are coons. These are the stereotypes they face and this is how they're perceived (basically, they're untrustworthy since they are not guided by whites) and the media will feed into these perceptions.

Solutions: I personally think that white people in South Africa need to sit the fuck back and allow bolacks to thrive. If a white person has the audacity to recommend a majority white government (which will also be corrupt), in a 90% non-white population (20yrs post-apartheid), as the main solution to development in South Africa, then he/she must go JUMP!! Until they're willing to share the spoils which they stole during Apartheid, then bolacks will be willing to vote them into governance. Corruption will always exist in any government (white people aren't immune to that shit)!! Bolacks need to stop being greedy and start living by principles. Whatever happened to practicing UBUNTU?! There is zero place for racism in a society but bolacks simply need empowerment #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #DANeverLovedUs #BlackConsciousness

Riding Shotgun (via facebook)

Most of u probably wonder how a wounded fossil like me manages to get around without having a car. It's quite sad really, I go by my principle of "Reliable Liability". Basically, I have to be that useful tool when i'm riding shotgun. My duty is to make sure that we have fun whilst you provide the resources!! The tricky part is having to deal with all the different characters that guys with whips all have. At the end of the day, you're at their mercy and you need to apply yourself accordingly!!

You get the grumpy dude aka Male Diva (usually it's the pretty boy), who is very unpredictable and is generally a very difficult person. There are times when u have 2 beg him not to leave (early), to the extent that you even offer him everything you can!! Like if u organized 2 bitches then u're going 2 hav 2 settle 4 Kelly Rowland and offer him Beyonce (that's right, I refer 2 all my second-tier bitches as Kelly Rowlands). The nice thing about this guy though is that even though he can give u a tough time in da club, once you manage to capture booty to take to his car, he's game and assumes control!! He'll establish dominance in his whip so bitches are required to bee hive. Coz u'll get bitches who'll get in the car expecting 2 b dropped off at home and niggas will just defy them like, "bitch, dafuq u think this is?? This ain't no diplomatic hospitality that offers services to buy drinks then drive u straight home!! Nobody is going home until these balls are moist".

Then there's the problematic dude, who is a very wild child. This nigga just wants to cause havoc everywhere he goes!! He can't handle his liquor and girls think of him as an asshole. This nigga just wants to be reckless and greedy so he'll ball out of control (to get attention) then he'll holla at EVERY girl!! U'll b there trying to convince him 2 settle 4 some reasonable platter but then oh no boi. This nigga just wants to claim all The Bitches!! The sad part, as the story goes, is we will end up leaving there with dry balls and next thing u know this guy is trying 2 holla at sum prostitutes. Like, "it ain't that kinda party my guy. U let the booty get away now stop trying to pay".

Last but not least you get the passive dude. Dude will be down for whatever, whenever!! This guy is generally not a sociable guy but he just came out looking 4 bootay (no milk, no cookies, NOTHING). So he just expects u 2 do best, work ur magic and he'll be lurking on the wing!! This guy is very submissive. He would eat ass and be glad just becoz he managed 2 cum right. Anything just to get to feel a breast of a woman!! With these niggas, I prefer taking them to hoodrats. The beauty about hoodrats is that they have zero standards!! A hoodrat will find anything fascinating as long as it can pay for drinks and speak better engrich than it does. So u can imagine how ideal these okes are. I mean, who needs a car when u've got these okes. Hehehe

I hope this status didn't just cost me my next ride!! I would like to apologize in advance to any of u who may have been too sensitive and took too much offense. And my niggas wifey's better not be trying to figure out if i'm referring to their men over here. Niggas go into a totally different mode when they go out!! So if your man if usually passive, chances are he may well be problematic when he's out. Or if u know ur man to being problematic, then maybe he's actually grumpy when he goes out!! And so on so forth ‪#‎ItsOnlyEntertainment‬ ‪#‎BootyIsMoreImportantThanWhips‬ ‪#‎WoundedBoyFromTheVillage‬

Bolacks and Weaves

These Bolacks and their Weaves:

I hate weaves!! And the reason why this particular subject has always bothered me is because I do not know a single bolack male who is okay with weaves (yet these heaux rock them regardless)!! These chekita's don't respect us bra. They are zero concerned about what us guys think or how we feel!! I just had to go out and try to investigate where the problem lies whilst I try to get in them thighs ya dig. I had to try and find out why they do like this.

Turns out bolack bishes have a really low self esteem - which baffles me coz most of these tasties are naturally yum yums. The problem though is that they lack the confidence that is required to demand extravagant things (like convincing males to buy them/their friends Guarana's). So weaves give these girls the 'power' (as if booty isn't omnipotent enough) to believe that they're Beyonce's and your wounded ass has to play along and pretend to be Jay Z!! Weaves instill confidence. So when a bish puts on a weave they're supposed to transform or some shit.

These heaux are delusional B - ain't nobody got time for that. The one minute these heaux are busy at home polishing the stoep and the next they're trying to find love in the club like they ass is Cinderella-ela-ela-ey *Rihanna voice* or some shit. They shouldn't come here with those tjatjarag tendencies!! If you're fake you must jump. This is NOT Jam Alley where you get to play games expecting to win from choosing "middle-centre" in this bitch!!

So, never, ever, ever fuck a bish with a weave on consecutively (not even twice) until she takes that ish off. Why?? Coz a bish with a weave has psychologically put herself in a relationship before she even met you!! This bish has already got so ahead of herself that she has named your left testicle even before you two even met!! Them bitches that prematurely catch feelings will cling onto your balls like you draws suhn. In her mind (her 'drunk in love' mind) ya'll are dating the minute you decide to fuck her twice!! Next thing you know, this crazy bish is claiming you DURING the people and your sorry ass is busy responding "but I didn't even return calling you 'babe' though".

Trust me suhn!! Fuck a bish with natural hair and that bish will even be content with being your side chick (and she doesn't even have to have 'daddy issues'). Now that's wifey material right thurrr!! It's reverse psychology for "she's a down ass bish" so not only will you want to keep her, but you will remain faithful to her as well (coz the bish deserves a Bells).

You see, I wants me a girl with natural hair coz them bitches don't have an Identity Crisis - they know their place. Bish will even cook and clean for you (yet still have time to play with your balls after)!! Fellas, stop entertaining these fake ass superficial heaux in the club. This ain't a movie dawg #ChroniclesOfMostaPi #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #LeaveTheWeave

KK's Made The Booty Get Away

What's with these Jhb girls ACTUALLY!! Everywhere I go the booty gets away if i'm not willing to pay.

So there's this booty I met in Jhb and I thought she wanted to play with my balls (there I was thinking she's game khanti it turns out she just likes things)!! The thing that puzzles me the most is that this yum yum comes from a rich family so I didn't expect her to be behaving like a chimpanzee. I mean, her family background requires her to bee-hive nahmean.

Anyway, so there I was hollering at shorty trying to come right when she tells me she doesn't do SA guys!! I'm there thinking, but i'm from Lesotho though. So she's like, "well, I don't do niggas in the SADC region". I'm thinking "eish, should I just lie to this broad and tell her i'm actually half Gambian or some shit". Like "bitch, whatchu know about these half Gambian balls?! I descend from the north biatch. Them Kunta Kinte's is actually my cousin's namsayin".

Basically I just ended up interrogating the booty just to try find out what she see's in these flashy-dubious-motherfuckers. You see, i'm just a wounded boy from the village!! So I didn't come to Jhb with no milk, no cookies, NOTHING. When i'm in the club I don't be behaving like these KK's literally paying bitches just to spanky spanky!! Smdh, what happened to having game. These niggas only ball with free-throws!!

Next time i'm in Jhb i'm going to lie about where i'm from!! These KK's just came here to steal jobs and women. And they ain't playing fair neither!! The booty will always get away coz these heaux ain't loyal - they like things. Your so-called "normal" girls have become self proclaimed escorts up in this biatch!!  So shit is REAL namsayin. Me, i'm going to stay in my lane and remain in the village #ChroniclesOfMostaPi #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage #BootyIsMoreImportantThanFoodAndWater