Disclaimer: I ain't a pussy!!
I was watching this documentary on Nat Geo Wild and basically these bloody agents were busy trying to catch a Black Mamba!! 1st of all, lemme just clarify that i'm da realest. I'm not afraid of watching snakes on t.v. but this was possibly the scariest thing I have EVER watched!!
The thing is, before watching this, I was saved by my ignorance. For instance, I didn't know that Black Mambas were such ninjas of snakes, let alone could climb trees n shit!! To me, only Green Mambas could be found on trees and I thought Black Mambas were limited to their speed on the ground. Turns out I still had a lot to discover.. *starts shivering*
The problem with bloody agents is they tell you that snakes are more afraid of you than you are of them!! That is theee biggest load of horse shit i've ever heard. Put it this way, if you had to put a Black Mamba and a bloody agent in one room; tell them both "it's survival of the fittest" and only one person can leave the room alive; winner takes abundance of booty home; Who do you think is going to win this match?? I can guarantee yo punk ass will get destroyed "perfect/flawless"!! Nigga, a black mamba has venom that can take 10 of you mofo's. So what is your fatality nyikka?! Probably to sing wooden mics.
Fam, watching that documentary made me realize that Black Mambas are theee most hazardous things on earth, and to make things worse, this village i'm staying in is part of their habitat!! Fml. The biggest problem with snakes is that they are forever hiding!! So for instance, if the maid happens to leave the door open during the day (like they always do), it's an invitation for this motherfucker to be like "oh yeah, I heard this is where MostaPi resides and I luvs to fuxx me with a real nigga!! Sssssss". Next thing, it's late for a real nigga. These sneaky bastards will slither their way into a hiding place where you would be completely oblivious to even comprehend that there could be a ninja in that motherfucker just waiting to strike!! All you gonna see is it's black mouth looking disrespectful. There are zero connotations associated with the words "Black Mouth" that are dignified. Just to show you how evil these things are, is it necessary for it for it's mouth to be bolack?? Can't it at least be white like Bieber so it can be less scary!!
I hate how bloody agents always deem it necessary to release these snakes back into 'the wild' where they know damn well these ninjas are going to clash with chimpanzee's in the village!! These snakes are notorious for killing humans so it just goes to show how bloody agents have zero chill. When I was watching the documentary, this black mamba was hiding in a school toilet, in the village!! Ma nigga, just to show you how these things are such ninjas, this snake was hiding in the septic tank. I shit you not!! In fact, there was another documentary I watched where this snake was hiding underneath the actual toilet seat. Shit!! Imagine now, you walk in the toilet alone to take a pinjah or a poo and next thing you encounter this black mouthed summa ma biatch.
I didn't have a phobia for snakes on t.v. before, but now that i'm staying in this village it's so late for me #WoundedBoyFromTheVillage
